A dear friend emailed recently to see if we could have lunch over the weekend as she would be in my neck of the woods doing “pills/bills” for her Mom. [“Pills/bills,” of course, refers to counting out the pills for each day of the upcoming week and paying bills coming due]. One of three daughters, my friends bears a bit more than her share of ministering to her 80-something-year old frail mother who still lives on her own. Having had the “pills/bills” responsibility for my own late mother for several years and now in just the “bills” role for my 93-year old single aunt, I could empathize.

These almost independent women who still want their autonomy, yet appear quite relieved to have someone else to make sure they stay on track are incredible stalwarts in the cycle of life. Both my Mom and my friend’s Mom were homemakers whose very successful husbands predeceased them by 10 or more years. Thrown into independent living, after years of running the show when it came to their children’s needs but deferring to their husbands with respect to finances, these women adjusted amazingly quickly to their new independent status. And like so many others, they have lived on past when they feel comfortable with 100% unfettered independence.

I often think that overseeing “pills/bills” for our parents and other relatives is yet one more gift they give us. By helping them remain independent, we are not only picking up pointers to put to use in our own later years. More importantly, they allow us the grace to be intimately a part of their last years, as intimately as they were part of our first years.